I wanted to write about this for so long but I am afraid as some people may be offended and may think who am I to judge them, but when this kind of thing keep on happening right in front my eyes, I guess I just have too..
Please be cautioned that this posting is not intended to offend those who chose to have a maid nor it is to tell people I am great just because I choose not to have one. It was my personal choice and I have nothing against those who do have maids. I still believe it's a matter of choice, but read this thoroughly, you'll see where I am coming from.
Yup, we have no maid. We raised all my 3 kids whom are now 10, 9 and 7 years old since they were born, juggling between career and family, with all the hectic scheduling and all. However, this was a choice that we have to made considering we are so afraid of all the horror that we heard about maids. And of course I heard people telling me I am lucky that I have my parents to take care of my kids. That's where they are wrong.
My parents do take care of my kids but only recently, in early 2007 to be exact. Prior to that, we sent the cuties to daycare. My mom retired 2005 and has been begging me to take care of the cuties but I declined cause I wanted her to enjoy retirement life with my dad who retired 4 years earlier. Late 2006, my mom insisted to be the one taking care of the cuties, at that time they were 9, 8 and 6 respectively. She was so bored and so did my dad. Considering the cuties are all grown up, I accepted the offer. That's because they will be spending 2 hours with my mom, there rest of the day, they would either be in school or religious class. Safe to say, my mom's house would only be the transit place for them to have lunch, quick shower and zohor prayer. So, for those who said to me "you senanglah, anak2 mak jaga", maybe you would like to rephrase that statement...
Anyway, back to the reason of this posting...
Experience No 1
I was at a clinic, my hero was having a high fever. While waiting, there was this mother with his son and a maid. His son looked very weak, couldn't even walk. The mom looked trendy, with nice clothes, good make up and very nice Coach handbag. What makes me sad, instead of the mother carrying the sick son, she walked in front and the maid was the one doing the consoling and the carrying. The maid was also the one giving him water while the mom was reading the newspaper...so who's the parents now!
Experience No 2
In a shopping mall, a family of 3, the mom, the dad and the daughter about 5 years old, with the maid. The dad was busy on the phone, mom was busy eating and maid was busy feeding the girl. The girl was telling stories to the maid, just like the kind of conversation that I usually have with the cuties. So, who's the parents now!
Experience No 3
Remember the entry about my baby getting her jap. While I was at the registration counter, there were 3 person at the other counter, a boy, about 5 years old, a girl, about 6 years old and an Indonesian maid. She gave the counter clerk the medical record number. It has always been a practise for the hospital to counter check against the date of birth to ensure that the records are in order. When asked that question, the maid replied "Enggak tau buk, tidak diberikan majikan". So, the clerk asked the girl and she was sooo shy and was hiding behind the maid. Of course, the next logical question to asked was, where is the parents? My jaw dropped when I hear the reply from the maid "Puan pergi ke pasaraya, bapak bada di kantor, saya disuruhi membawa anak berjumpa doktor". So, who's the parents now!
It is ok to have a maid, I may opt to have one in the future, you never know. But, maids are supposed to be the one helping with the house chores, maybe babysit. I don't think a maid should be the one raising the children, or acting as the parents. How many hours a day do you actually spend with your kids, the max I would say 5 hours before everyone goes to bed...and maybe the weekends...Is that soo long?
You may not see the impact now, but wait till the children grow up and of course, we grow old. They may love their caretaker more and may treat you like how they were treated. And when they do that, I think it is a bit too little to aske....So, who's the parents now!
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3 normalies:
kadang-kadang kesian tengok budak2, mak bapak sibuk dgn material wealth sampai lupa the meaning of happiness and love. what is money if you are not contented kan?
maya - i rasa kesian sgt to all the kids in this entry, they look so desperate for attention and just getting this from their bibik...
I agree to disagree.
I do agree with you that sometimes parents took the easy way out by letting their maid take care of their kids 101%. That is wrong. The above situation as you mentioned above are wrong.
As for myself i employ a maid when my firstborn was 5 months old. I need to work since i run my own law firm. If i dont go who will. I couldn't bare the thots of sending them to child care centre. i do not know those people. my maid is my family maid's (work work for us almost 20 years) niece. I do not treat her like a maid. I treat her as part of my family. I trust her. She thot me a lot about parenting. Since i do not have parents or family that i can only rely on, i rely on her.
I guess parents have their own guidelines of raising their child. If they do not work, who will put food on the table. I'm glad i work on my own. I can just come and go to office anytime i like. But some parents do not have that kind of luxury since they work with a company. Few months back, read in newpapers, a single mother locked her children inside the apartment who are stil small while she s at work. Her excuses/reasoning: no one to take care them and she can't afford babysitter. Which i condemn her for doing so. but i do understand her point. Its really expensive to get a maid/a babysitter. One would cost around RM400, the latter cost Rm200 per child. If she is earning only RM900(basic minimum wage), how can she afford this. Belum lagi medical, food, house, car, education.. Suka tak suka we are living in a material world. So maya, sorry i have to disagree with you.
for parents yang "hands off" memang totally not right. I like this entry. Its give us some perspective. Do not feel bad. this is your opinion. Currently i'm reading good mother Bad Mother by Gina ford. Very good Book!
(panjang laa pulak i tulis.. huuh)
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